Today morning when I woke up I felt something weighing my lips down. I sat up straight, stretched my hand to feel it when mom came rushing into the room to check on my supposed “swine flu” condition. I had been suffering from some cold past two days. She began screaming.
“I told u to take her to the doctor yesterday. Look what has happened to my girl!!!”
Dad came rushing into the room half expecting a life and death situation. I was half asleep-half awake, my usual condition for ten minutes every morning. I never speak anything for these ten minutes. But today I heard myself say “Mom!!! I don’t have swine flu!!!”
Pushing aside my cover I ran to the nearby mirror. I stared. The person staring back from the mirror looked like Donald ducks twin. My upper lip had swollen five times the original size. The ten minutes had not yet lapsed. I was still drowsy. My feet gave way slightly.
Dad caught me as he always did in such situations. Mom dramatized the moment, “She’s fainting..!!!“
Half asleep, I still managed to say, “Its not the flu.”
I marvel dad. His ability to stay calm around such dramatic personalities never fails to amuse me. He put me back to sleep and called up a nearby doctor for an appointment.
Not wanting the watchman to look at me in such a funny condition, I wore a mask, the ones they wear for swine flu these days. Not that I minded him seeing me in this condition. I dint want him to have a hearty laugh. I hate him. He always sleeps on duty.
With the mask on, I left with dad. I really felt like a flu patient then.
The doctor lacked a sense of humor. He dint smirk even a bit on seeing me. Dad grinned sometimes on seeing me in this state, so I knew his sense of humor was intact. The doc prescribed some medicine and balm. I bought them and started for home. On my way back I met a dozen suspicious neighbors who in the past week doubted that I had the flu. Seeing me on with the mask et al., they all presumed I really was suffering from the flu finally. I dint try to change their mind. At least the flu was a more decent disease than Donald duck lips.
As I am writing this, my Donald duck lips are still very much intact. Mom is continuously coming up with new theories each minute, trying to figure out what really happened to me. Dad is in office, happy to be in a sane atmosphere finally. Sis, thankfully, is still unaware. I’m sure she will spend the first fifteen minutes laughing when she sees me, click pictures, ask me all the details and then repeat it to a dozen friends and laugh for the next thirty days.
I, for one, am cursing the insect that did this to me last night. Wretched creature!!!!!
The doc said the swelling would remain for at least the next two days.
Now I wear the mask at all times. The maid also feels I have the flu. She never stays in the same room as me.
I have a hearty laugh whenever I pass the mirror. I pity all those who cannot see me. In the end, I pray that my lips reduce to the exact size of Angelina Jolie’s. This story then, will finally have a happy ending.
Kakoli still suffering
Saturday, October 31, 2009
The Movie
My sis wanted us to go for a movie. For some sane reason I really can’t place, I dint want to. However, I let the feeling pass away. May be because I rarely get such feelings where things seem right and wrong. Generally, I am quite comfortable doing wrong things and not thinking much about them.
The fact that she stated how she absolutely loved watching movies with me and how funny she really thought I am, also helped. She offered to treat me for dinner too. Now, I really love my two F’s…food and flattery. (What were you thinking..Huh?) So, it dint take me long to realize it was just a part of her “game plan” to woo me. But I pretended to genuinely believe her and agreed to meet for the movie.
This movie “The Time Traveller’s Wife”, for some unseen reason, is running in only one far away mall here. But, for once it felt better to travel than stay at home. Diwali is round the corner, and mom has transformed our home to a light museum. Disco lights hang everywhere in the name of Diwali. The TV and radio are alive with bhajans unknown to me. And mom yells if we switch anything off. I am afraid to even switch the bathroom lights off after using them. I don’t know what I fear more, invoking the anger of the Gods, or making my mom wild. All this drives me crazier than usual, so to preserve whatever little sanity I have, I caught the train for the mall.
In the train, an old lady approached me in Gujrati, saying something that sounded like Ghatkopar. In my best possible Gujrati, I explained it was two stations away. But I guess I suck at it. She got down at the next station. I felt bad. I wonder if she’s still wandering somewhere, cursing me for it. If you find her, please tell her it was all unintentional.
With all intentions of getting lost, I however reached on time. Sis was waiting at the counter with a chicken burger, popcorn and coke. This was what she meant by “dinner”. The burger wasn’t that bad, so I gobbled it up quickly.
The person at the counter asked us to wait. We stood some distance away. It amazed me that the theatre was full on a weekday. Moreover, this movie is based on a book and has no glamorous actors starring. My sis, an avid reader, absolutely adores the book. She raised a toast (of coke) to all book lovers of our country.
We waited some more time before approaching the counter, hoping for vacancies. This time, the guy at the counter concealed a smile. Putting forth the most serious face that could save him his job, he said
“Mam, it’s just the two of you opting for this movie at the moment and it is against our policies to run the show.”
Now that was the statement of the millennium. And pretty awkward too.
I was relieved. I could finally go and hog someplace. But even after such an embarrassment, sis still wanted to watch this movie!!!!!!! She was hoping for some miracle. And unfortunately, it happened.
A couple approached the counter for the same movie. It seemed pretty obvious to me why they wanted to watch a movie with no other audience, but as far as sis got to watch the movie, she felt it was alright. My sis always gets her way. So I dint unnecessarily want to waste energy. I dint argue. And the theatre officials seemed to know that. They decided to have the show after all.
The movie was an experience. One of the best I’ve had till now. An empty theatre with a show running just for me. I felt like a star having high tastes.
I had seen it once in the movie Rangeela and have wanted to try it out ever since. Putting your feet over the seat in front of you while watching a movie. I did it. I did everything impolite possible. I passed comments, sang songs, even had a walk for some time. You name it, I did it.
Sis was much more decent. I think she’s civilized even when in the bathroom. So unlike me.
All in all, it felt great. I felt like a rich spoilt brat who treats money like dirt. The movie was good too. Except for a few scenes responsible for its ‘A’ certificate, it was pretty much a movie you could watch with your parents.
I was disappointed when it ended. It had all been quite a dream. The movie was a bit astounding. We were both pretty tired after it, so we left for home at once. On the way back we caught the wrong bus and then the wrong train. But sis was glad she wasn’t suffering alone. At home we discussed the movie. And all the scenes responsible for it’s ‘A’ certificate. We giggled a bit, and then finally, the day ended.
The fact that she stated how she absolutely loved watching movies with me and how funny she really thought I am, also helped. She offered to treat me for dinner too. Now, I really love my two F’s…food and flattery. (What were you thinking..Huh?) So, it dint take me long to realize it was just a part of her “game plan” to woo me. But I pretended to genuinely believe her and agreed to meet for the movie.
This movie “The Time Traveller’s Wife”, for some unseen reason, is running in only one far away mall here. But, for once it felt better to travel than stay at home. Diwali is round the corner, and mom has transformed our home to a light museum. Disco lights hang everywhere in the name of Diwali. The TV and radio are alive with bhajans unknown to me. And mom yells if we switch anything off. I am afraid to even switch the bathroom lights off after using them. I don’t know what I fear more, invoking the anger of the Gods, or making my mom wild. All this drives me crazier than usual, so to preserve whatever little sanity I have, I caught the train for the mall.
In the train, an old lady approached me in Gujrati, saying something that sounded like Ghatkopar. In my best possible Gujrati, I explained it was two stations away. But I guess I suck at it. She got down at the next station. I felt bad. I wonder if she’s still wandering somewhere, cursing me for it. If you find her, please tell her it was all unintentional.
With all intentions of getting lost, I however reached on time. Sis was waiting at the counter with a chicken burger, popcorn and coke. This was what she meant by “dinner”. The burger wasn’t that bad, so I gobbled it up quickly.
The person at the counter asked us to wait. We stood some distance away. It amazed me that the theatre was full on a weekday. Moreover, this movie is based on a book and has no glamorous actors starring. My sis, an avid reader, absolutely adores the book. She raised a toast (of coke) to all book lovers of our country.
We waited some more time before approaching the counter, hoping for vacancies. This time, the guy at the counter concealed a smile. Putting forth the most serious face that could save him his job, he said
“Mam, it’s just the two of you opting for this movie at the moment and it is against our policies to run the show.”
Now that was the statement of the millennium. And pretty awkward too.
I was relieved. I could finally go and hog someplace. But even after such an embarrassment, sis still wanted to watch this movie!!!!!!! She was hoping for some miracle. And unfortunately, it happened.
A couple approached the counter for the same movie. It seemed pretty obvious to me why they wanted to watch a movie with no other audience, but as far as sis got to watch the movie, she felt it was alright. My sis always gets her way. So I dint unnecessarily want to waste energy. I dint argue. And the theatre officials seemed to know that. They decided to have the show after all.
The movie was an experience. One of the best I’ve had till now. An empty theatre with a show running just for me. I felt like a star having high tastes.
I had seen it once in the movie Rangeela and have wanted to try it out ever since. Putting your feet over the seat in front of you while watching a movie. I did it. I did everything impolite possible. I passed comments, sang songs, even had a walk for some time. You name it, I did it.
Sis was much more decent. I think she’s civilized even when in the bathroom. So unlike me.
All in all, it felt great. I felt like a rich spoilt brat who treats money like dirt. The movie was good too. Except for a few scenes responsible for its ‘A’ certificate, it was pretty much a movie you could watch with your parents.
I was disappointed when it ended. It had all been quite a dream. The movie was a bit astounding. We were both pretty tired after it, so we left for home at once. On the way back we caught the wrong bus and then the wrong train. But sis was glad she wasn’t suffering alone. At home we discussed the movie. And all the scenes responsible for it’s ‘A’ certificate. We giggled a bit, and then finally, the day ended.
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